Oh, 2016!

I can hardly believe that 2017 is just around the corner. I'm not even led to believe that things would change or would be different, considering the fact that there’s a new year ahead. Not to be pessimistic about the resolution thing, but aren’t we given an opportunity to wake up each day along with a chance to change or make a difference ourselves?

In all honesty, I am still that kind of person who would spend her weekend morning alone and scrolling down her Facebook timeline. I would still be considered a couch potato, considering the long list of movies I want to watch and maybe lose myself in. Not that doing so is considered bad, but I know myself too well that if I rather lost myself in books or maybe writing my own stories, I would have been productive. I would have felt worthy of food and sleep, and maybe feel fulfilled before my head hits the pillow before I drift off to sleep until the sun rises in the morning.

I'm not putting a lot of pressure to myself. It’s just the way I am and have been raised my entire life. Having grown up with my grandparents has made me feel aware of the fact that one must strive to be a better person every single day. Like, you have to continue to be industrious and make something out of it. Be productive and let God do the rest.

Sometimes, I seem to get away. What’s even worse is that when I normally do get away, I don’t feel any less at ease. I guess one excuse would be how awfully tired I am that everything has been the same and the fact that it does is tiring me out. Wow, what a childish excuse! Although the world seems to be getting worse at some point that people eventually lose hope and get tired, they don’t give up.

2016 has been a productive year, despite everything. I have learned to conquer some of the demons that have done nothing but drag me down, but having conquered them have made me stronger. I’d be lying to myself if I would be saying that because of this, I am ready to face the real world, because the answer would be no. Well, not yet. But the fact remains to be seen, I have still conquered my demons and that shows development and growth. I'm not putting that aside if I know far too well that I’ve done the best that I can to become a better person altogether.

I remember the start off the year, 2016. I was heartbroken by something that I must consider to be classified. Way to start the new year, huh? I didn’t know how much strength was taken away from me at that time but what was worse is that I didn’t know how I would be able to confront the problem and conquer my brokenness. I didn’t want to fight back or cause any trouble, complain or do self-harm because that will never be the answer. In the end, I distracted myself. Yes, that’s what I did. I decided that it would be best if I could make myself happy just so that I would put the pain aside even if it’s still there.

How did I distract myself? Well, I straightened my hair. It was my first time and most people kind of supported my decision since I was on the verge of regret. But that choice made my year. I might have even found the confidence to not shy away from cameras because of it. Sure, there were times that I felt ugly still, but the blooming confidence that sprouted by the time I saw the new me with straight hair was remarkable. And it followed all throughout the year of 2016.

2016 was the year I got a ticket to another country. I visited Hong Kong and Macau with my family. We went to Disneyland and had fun. 2016 was the year I had the best retreat of my life. 2016 was the year I really loved someone that I wasn’t supposed to love, and doing so has made me feel so firm that I would go to that extremity and break the rules that I have grown up with for love. 2016 was the year I recruited myself in different school organizations, naming, Chi Rho Publications, Digital Creatives and Recap. 2016 was the year I joined the world organization, AIESEC. It opened my eyes to the SDGs of the UN and helped me realize how daring the youth can be with wanting to change the world and make it a better place for the future generations to come. It even helped me socialize more and help me get out of my comfort zone. 2016 was the year that made me hang out with my highschool friends even more, as it reminded me that I am never alone and there’s always a room to be a child sometimes. 2016 was the year that made me realize how far friends would be willing to go for you, just to be able to spend a day with you. 2016 was the year that made me realize that I could also help people, whether volunteering at Home of Joy, wanting to donate my hair, helping my friends with their stories since they aspire to be writers, cheering people up and reminding them of their worth, applying the SDGs, publishing Gabriel’s Garden and so much more. 2016 was the year that made me feel free to take pictures of myself. 2016 was the year that made me feel free to take pictures of beautiful things along with appreciating the exact moment that makes you put down the camera and just simply enjoy it yourself. 2016 was the year that made me appreciate learning a different language. 2016 was the year that made me realize how less I know of the world that makes me realize that I have to lessen my ignorance and know more about world history so that it will help fuel my stories and be more aware of what’s happening. 2016 was the year that made me appreciate music even more. It is a friend that I can go to when I could no longer be any productive even more with my eyes and hands. 2016 was the year that made me realize that I could no longer drink coffee because it is bad for my heart. 2016 was the year that made me realize that God is merciful and that despite the challenges, He won’t let you go through something that you can barely handle. 2016 was the year I felt His presence through the people I care about the most in my life. 2016 was the year that made me feel close with my brothers in some way. 2016 was the year that made me realize that I could still love the same boy, and that I am strong enough to not have given up on him when the year started, because if I did, I won’t be seeing the same wonder I have seen in him in someone else. I know myself too well that I am not ready to let go of him just yet. 2016 was the year that made me feel that I have to grow up this time.

2016 was even the year that made me appreciate Harry Potter.

I'm not saying that all these things are not considered a progress in growing, because it is. I'm not complaining or regretting the fact that I could have done more because I’ve done what I could.

At least, there’s a new year to look forward to. Here comes a new dawn.